Researchers Have Found

Researchers in South Florida have learned some important, little-known facts of life over the past three weeks. So far, the single biggest discovery seems to be this:

Grunting is hereditary.

This particular researcher always thought that grunting was learned and nurtured over a period of years as it builds to a crescendo in the golden years. Not so. Grunting actually begins at birth, and in some bloodlines it fills every quiet moment for one reason or another.

While an adult male may grunt when bending to pull on his socks or when trying to lift a couch, tiny newborn grunts have been recorded for many reasons. Most of the time, it means they are trying to poop for the twelfth time in a 24-hour period. Other grunts can be detected when they attempt to free their hand from a tightly-wrapped blanket, or when deciding exactly where to deposit a regurgitated dolyp of milk (Dad's upper torso is a favorite drop-point).

Somebody please notify the industry bigwigs, because I believe this discovery will lead to a few revisions in those pesky "medical journals".