And the Oscar Goes To...

Mrs. Undaground!

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For best performance by a lead actress in a Drama or Comedy.

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Saturday, the Undaground Mom was in town for our first annual "Fake Christmas". By 10am, we were sitting in front of the tree, drinking Mimosas and opening presents. John Denver and the Muppets were serenading us, and we were even being nice to the dog. The fake Christmas was so effective, that I've fooled myself into thinking Christmas is over more than a few times since Saturday.

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Last week, I made a big show out of releasing Mrs. U from her Wii hunt. After writing the post, I felt very good about myself; like I had done something selfless. I thought, someday, some marriage counselor-slash author would dedicate a chapter in his/her book to this chivalrous gesture that some dude published on the internet. Don't worry about little old me, honey. Christmas is about giving -- and I'm a giver.

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Turns out, I was being played... like a big, bloated fiddle with blinders on.

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Mrs. Undaground has had a Wii for a few weeks. Her acting performance rivals anything Meryl Streep has ever done, and that includes "Dingo stole my baby".

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Not only did she surprise me by springing the gift on me early, she wrapped the present for my son, which was another sneaky but very smart maneuver. I didn't see it coming, even up to the final moments as the Undaling tore away the paper to reveal the highly-coveted treasure. He's not a huge advocate of sharing yet, so I had to wrestle it away from him, but I'm much bigger and stronger so he hardly slowed me down.

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I'm not an easy person to surprise. It's documented. As a child, I made a game out of correctly predicting each gift before I opened it. As an adult, I realize this was a very annoying and insensitive thing to do to the gift-giver. But if we're being honest here, I still do it, because I can't help myself and I have an overwhelming natural urge to sometimes be an asshole (but in a good way, right?)

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Suddenly, the huge "Gift Scorecard" I hung in the carport shows a very lopsided score. I've got one week to mount my comeback. Truth be told, despite the annual showering of gifts from me on her birthday, she's still leading based on our very first Christmas together.

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Back in 2001, she got me a video camera. I got her a half-day at the spa. If I could fire up the Delorean and travel back in time, I would go back and get her the full-day at the spa. After all, she didn't get me half a video camera.

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Anybody want to go bowling? Undaground Lanes are now open in my living room. (Shoe rental $4.00 with a double blast of disinfectant spray). Viva la Wii!