Nothing to see here

Ernesto was a dud. I can't complain. Turns out it's just a rainy, windy day. We're going to leave the plywood up for a few days just in case something else develops. In the meantime, I have some Tivo material to catch up on and some patio furniture to return to its usual place.

Most overheard cliches yesterday:

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

Don't let your guard down.

Most overheard cliches today:

Better safe than sorry.

It is what it is.

We dodged a bullet.

Ernesto Blows

The Undaground blog posts may be erratic for a few days as we try to fend off a tropical storm/hurricane. Check back for updates.

Our windows are covered with plywood, the yard is cleared of all debris, the patio furniture is inside, and the flashlight and mini-tv batteries are fresh. Mrs. U has canned goods stocked up and is getting more propane today. A generator is on the way and we have 10 gallons of gas to power the fan, fridge, lamps and tv. Mrs. U will decide where to go for the storm depending on forecast. Our home is safe, but she's been invited to a few different places to ride it out with others. I'm at work for at least the next 36 hours with airbed, body pillow and toiletries. It takes us hours in Home Depot to decide on a paint color, but we've gotten pretty efficient at preparing for a storm.

Screw you Ernesto,
and Wilma,
and Jeanne,
and Frances.

Anxiously awaiting our next insurance premium hike,

The Undaground

Happy Friday

Survivor
Have you seen the news about the next Survivor? Apparently, they're breaking up the four teams based on race. Some say this means Survivor has jumped the shark. Personally, I don't care, and will watch whatever crap Survivor puts on TV. I'm an addict, and have not yet entered recovery. Survivor starts in September, and you will see the occasional Haiku celebrating the show right here on the Undaground.

Double Dipping
Apparently, my dog has been leading a secret life... as a freaking cat. This morning, I caught her standing on her hind legs, eating out of our cats' bowls. I've moved the bowls out of reach, but I'd really like to find a way to stop this behavior and keep the bowls in their traditional spot. I might need the dog whisperer for this one. The only solution I can come up with is to treat her as I would treat a cat, and act like I'm allergic to her. Given the number of times she's walked into the sliding glass door accidentally, I'm not sure she'll be able to wrap her brain around that technique.

Pregnancy Update
54 days til due date. Mrs. Undaground's second and final baby shower is tomorrow. Our house is quickly filling up with baby stuff. For a 7 or 8 pound creature, they sure do have a lot of "gear".

As for the Seuss room, Hop on Pop, The Cat in the Hat, and Green Eggs and Ham are all complete. I'm now working on Horton. It looks awesome, if I do say so myself, but I am already trying to think of excuses to give our second child someday as to why his/her room doesn't quite rock as much as their older brother's did. This is why middle child syndrome exists. It's already begun in our little family, and the first hasn't even been born yet.

A Little Experiment

Let's see if this works...

This is my first attempt to post a video on the blog. This is a video called "Troops" that is obviously a parody of "Cops".

Do you feel old?

Each year, a group of Wisconsin professors puts out a list. It is a tool for them to better understand the incoming college freshmen. This year's crop was born in 1988 (one year before my hs graduation). Here's the list:


BELOIT COLLEGE'S MINDSET LIST® FOR THE CLASS OF 2010
Members of the class of 2010, entering college this fall, were mostly born in 1988. For them: Billy Carter, Lucille Ball, Gilda Radner, Billy Martin, Andy Gibb, and Secretariat have always been dead.

1. The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.

2. They have known only two presidents.

3. For most of their lives, major U.S. airlines have been bankrupt.

4. Manuel Noriega has always been in jail in the U.S.

5. They have grown up getting lost in "big boxes."

6. There has always been only one Germany.

7. They have never heard anyone actually "ring it up" on a cash register.

8. They are wireless, yet always connected.

9. A stained blue dress is as famous to their generation as a third-rate burglary was to their parents'.

10. Thanks to pervasive headphones in the back seat, parents have always been able to speak freely in the front.

11. A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake.

12. Smoking has never been permitted on U.S. airlines.

13. Faux fur has always been a necessary element of style.

14. The Moral Majority has never needed an organization.

15. They have never had to distinguish between the St. Louis Cardinals baseball and football teams.

16. DNA fingerprinting has always been admissible evidence in court.

17. They grew up pushing their own miniature shopping carts in the supermarket.

18. They grew up with and have outgrown faxing as a means of communication.

19. "Google" has always been a verb.

20. Text messaging is their email.

21. Milli Vanilli has never had anything to say.

22. Mr. Rogers, not Walter Cronkite, has always been the most trusted man in America.

23. Bar codes have always been on everything, from library cards and snail mail to retail items.

24. Madden has always been a game, not a Superbowl-winning coach.

25. Phantom of the Opera has always been on Broadway.

26. "Boogers" candy has always been a favorite for grossing out parents.

27. There has never been a "skyhook" in the NBA.

28. Carbon copies are oddities found in their grandparents' attics.

29. Computerized player pianos have always been tinkling in the lobby.

30. Non-denominational mega-churches have always been the fastest growing religious organizations in the U.S.

31. They grew up in mini-vans.

32. Reality shows have always been on television.

33. They have no idea why we needed to ask "...can we all get along?"

34. They have always known that "In the criminal justice system the people have been represented by two separate yet equally important groups."

35. Young women's fashions have never been concerned with where the waist is.

36 They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.

37. Brides have always worn white for a first, second, or third wedding.

38. Being techno-savvy has always been inversely proportional to age.

39. "So" as in "Sooooo New York," has always been a drawn-out adjective modifying a proper noun, which in turn modifies something else

40. Affluent troubled teens in Southern California have always been the subjects of television series.

41. They have always been able to watch wars and revolutions live on television.

42. Ken Burns has always been producing very long documentaries on PBS.

43. They are not aware that "flock of seagulls hair" has nothing to do with birds flying into it.

44. Retin-A has always made America look less wrinkled.

45. Green tea has always been marketed for health purposes.

46. Public school officials have always had the right to censor school newspapers.

47. Small white holiday lights have always been in style.

48. Most of them never had the chance to eat bad airline food.

49. They have always been searching for "Waldo."

50. The really rich have regularly expressed exuberance with outlandish birthday parties.

51. Michael Moore has always been showing up uninvited.

52. They never played the game of state license plates in the car.

53. They have always preferred going out in groups as opposed to dating.

54. There have always been live organ donors.

55. They have always had access to their own credit cards.

56. They have never put their money in a "Savings & Loan."

57. Sara Lee has always made underwear.

58. Bad behavior has always been getting captured on amateur videos.

59. Disneyland has always been in Europe and Asia.

60. They never saw Bernard Shaw on CNN.

61. Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport.

62. Acura, Lexus, and Infiniti have always been luxury cars of choice.

63. Television stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem.

64. LoJack transmitters have always been finding lost cars.

65. Diane Sawyer has always been live in Prime Time.

66. Dolphin-free canned tuna has always been on sale.

67. Disposable contact lenses have always been available.

68. "Outing" has always been a threat.

69. Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss has always been the perfect graduation gift.

70. They have always "dissed" what they don't like.

71. The U.S. has always been studying global warming to confirm its existence.

72. Richard M. Daley has always been the Mayor of Chicago.

73. They grew up with virtual pets to feed, water, and play games with, lest they die.

74. Ringo Starr has always been clean and sober.

75. Professional athletes have always competed in the Olympics.

New Motivation

So, I'm still holding steady at 7 pounds lost since SlimFast. In the past two weeks, my weight has stayed the same. I guess the strategy of eating whatever the hell I want on weekends is balancing out the rest of the week.

Yesterday, I worked a night shift at work because of a personnel shortage. I saw a guy that I haven't seen in a few months. He used to be 400 pounds, and then he had the stomach stapling thing. Well, he officially weighs less than me now. I guess I'll try to pass him again.

The other idea I got from looking at him, is that I'm going to tell people I've lost 170 pounds and I have just 15 more to go. That should help.

i see drunk people...

If I had Bruce Willis' corpse following me around all the time, I'd drink too.

Oh my...

In related news, we've just been given several boxes of baby clothes, courtesy of Mrs. U's sister. This is very generous and I'm glad our child will have one outfit for every day of his first year (with no repeats).

However, there are 3 or 4 Florida Gators outfits in the mix. That's nice, because my wife is a Florida Gator, but I need to give the child a chance to be a Mountaineer. No doubt, he'll become a bigger fan of WVU than Florida someday (because Daddy's in a much better mood when the Mountaineers win).

So, if you see any awesome Mountaineer baby gear, send me an email. I've scoured the internet and have found some stuff, but I'm not blown away by anything just yet.

Would the Nurses Even Allow This?

These are exciting times. I forget what it was like before we were talking baby all the time. Between trips to the nursery to paint the latest layer on my Seuss project, I like to engage my wife in some healthy conversation about the birth of our child. Some conversations go better than others. This is one of the "others".

"Mrs. Undaground, I think it will be great to have both of our Mom's here when the baby's born."

"Me too."

"My mom can cook us food. Your Mom can help clean. You and I can really focus on taking care of the baby, feeding the baby, changing the baby, me watching you change the baby, staring at the baby, and teaching him how to hit a curveball."

"Right."

"Seriously, our Moms here will be great for us, because you and I are both going to be very tired and sore after going through childbirth."

"YOU are going to be sore???"

"Well, you saw the chairs that new Dads have to sleep in. They're tiny. I'm a large man."

"So you're gonna be sore?"

"Well, not necessarily."

"That's what I thought."

"I could probably get through it a lot easier. Here's my idea. Are you ready for it?"

"Go ahead. I'm listening."

"After the baby's born, and we're in the post-partum recovery room, and everything calms down... Maybe you should take the chair and I'll take the hospital bed. You know, so we're not both sore."

That was the end of this particular conversation.

Sneak Peek

Hop on Pop is done (good riddance). I'm now moving on to Cat in the Hat. If you look closely on the left side of the photo below, you can see the outline for where it will be.

After all this painting, if this kid ever puts me in a nursing home I'll be pissed.

(click photo for larger view)

I don't want my MTV

First Nick and Jessica, then Carmen and Dave, now the Barkers.

It seems that starring in a reality show about your show-biz marriage on MTV eventually leads to divorce. I guess Ozzy should watch his back.

Mrs. Undaground and I have decided not to do any MTV reality show if offered. While our union would no doubt be fun reality television, it's just not worth the marital strain that being followed around by cameras would cause.

For now, our "episodes" will remain exclusively on the Undaground blog.

Honestly, for as much as I enjoy reality television, there's not a show that I would agree to be on. Years ago, there was a show called "The Mole" hosted by Anderson Cooper. I think I would have done the Mole, but I don't think that show's coming back. Mrs. U and I on Amazing Race would be a disaster. She's afraid of heights and our collective sense of direction is not unlike a shopping cart with 3 wheels. No thanks to any reality shows for me. I'd rather watch other people be humiliated for my viewing pleasure.

Hop on Pop

Obviously, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a serious problem for many people, but I believe most people exhibit some qualities of obsessive compulsive behavior. I am one of these people.

When I cook a frozen pizza, it's very important that I take the little bits of cold pepperoni and distribute them as evenly as possible. I'm not sure what this means, but I'm guessing a professional psychologist would point to something in my childhood and then bill me for an hour and ask me for a slice.

At times, I've pulled over to the side of the road to make sure that I screwed the gas cap back on. I can't explain why I do this. I've never actually forgotten to put the cap on, so I'm not sure why I'd start now.

This occasional behavior is making the Seuss nursery a little more difficult than I originally imagined. I'm currently working on the first part of my wall mural, the Hop on Pop illustration. Years ago, Dr. Seuss himself probably took a notebook and scribbled the picture in a matter of minutes. Now, as I put the image on the wall, I'm being a little too exact in recreating the same little nuances in his original creation. It's as if a Dr. Seuss descendant is going to bust into our house like some sort of SWAT team member and tell me that Pop's hair is not quite right, and we'll have to forfeit all of our books. When I step back from the wall and look at the picture, it's impossible to even see the tiny little details that I'm painstakingly trying to make perfect.

I guess that I can explain it as being a perfectionist, rather than being obsessive compulsive. In a way, it's a good thing, and I know that the Undaling will someday appreciate the love and care that we're putting into his room. When we're finished, I know it is something we'll be proud of. Maybe everybody needs a little OCD.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's 9:21 am. That means I need to count to three hundred while jumping on one foot. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.....................

Summer Tour 2006

Tonight begins our summer concert tour of 2006. We figure that movies and concerts will be the two things we'll definitely be doing less of, once the Undaling is here, so we're going to try to get the concert-thing out of our system for awhile.

Tonight, it's Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

Friday night, we're going to see Dave Matthews Band.

At the end of the month, we've got tickets for Counting Crows.

Finally, in September, a very-pregnant Mrs. U and I will attend Santana with Los Lonely Boys.

John Mayer/Sheryl Crow and Rusted Root are both scheduled to be here in late September/mid-October, but I don't think we'll be able to go for fear that the groovy bass sounds could induce labor. Oh well, I'm helplessly hoping we'll have a good time tonight.

Just about every other thing we do socially, we can include a baby. These baby-friendly things include Chili's, the Olive Garden, Babies-R-Us, the mall, various festivals, and, of course, cliff diving.

Good Monday Morning

Girth Update
After 2 weeks on Slimfast diet and weekend binging, I've decided to continue to process and make it a lifestyle change.

I've now lost 7 pounds in two weeks. I still have 8 pounds to get to my pre-pregnancy weight (and then another 20 or so to get to where I want to be).

Eat less calories than you burn. It all seems so simple now, except when I'm sitting in the Olive Garden.

Baby Latest
72 days til due-date. I'm waiting on UPS delivery of the overhead projector so I can start putting Seuss characters on the wall. That should begin sometime this week.

Last night, we had our hospital tour. There were about ten very pregnant women and their significant others on the tour.

Here are some things we learned on the tour:

• The cafeteria food should only be eaten in an extreme emergency. The nurses have a "takeout menu folder" that we can use, but if we don't return it, they keep the baby.
• Some rooms have pullout chairs and some have other types of furniture, but either way, Dads will be very uncomfortable when they sleep. Oh, and bring our own pillows.
• When we move from Labor and Delivery to Postpartum room, they put a GPS Lojack type thing on the baby's ankle. This is very cool, but it dampers my plan to take him to the zoo while Mrs. Undaground recuperates.
• When on a tour with 10 pregnant women, expect to take a bathroom break once every 4 1/2 minutes.

Mrs. Undaground says the experience was supposed to make her less nervous. Somehow, it had the opposite effect and she is more nervous now. I told her I'd make her a "Childbirth Mix" on the iPod and this seemed to put her mind at ease a little bit. If you have any song suggestions for this mix, please COMMENT. So far, the only song I've picked for it is "Push it" by Salt n Pepa.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yo baby pop,
Yeah, you. Come and give me a kiss.
Better make it fast, or else I'm gonna get pissed.
Can't you feel the music pumpin' hard,
Like I wish you would.
Now PUSH IT. Push it good."

Early to Rise

I've watched a lot of TLC in the past 29 1/2 weeks. I know more than any man should know about breastfeeding, and epidurals, and jaundice.

I've also read a great deal of material about how our baby is growing and what changes are occurring in my wife.

I'm a very involved father-to-be.

For as much TLC as I've seen and as many books as I've read, there are still a few little golden moments of discovery, like this morning.

I woke up at 630am for work and realized my wife was gone. What has happened here? Was she out on the couch? Is it the snoring again? I walked into the living room, expecting to see her sleeping peacefully. Nope. Maybe she's eating breakfast. No sign of her there. Perhaps she's on the computer, catching up on The Undaground. Negative.

As I walked back through the kitchen, bleary-eyed and confused, I saw a figure through the window in my peripheral vision. Sure enough, as the sun struggled to peek over the horizon, there she was, pruning the bushes in the backyard.

I stepped outside and, in lieu of a perfectly-timed comedic quip, asked "Gardening, huh?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Fair enough. I didn't know what to say. It takes a lot to surprise me, but this worked. Dumbfounded, I said the most husbandly, supportive thing I could think of:

"Don't overdo it."

Maybe the author of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" should add a section to Week 29 about pruning at daybreak. It happens. I've seen it.

Phew!

According to the latest tracking map, issued at 8am, we seem to have dodged our first hurricane scare of the season.

Good news, as we're really not in the mood for a hurricane right now, and our foliage has only just recently grown back from the Wilma damage (though our carport remains without a roof).

Stay tuned.

Kitchen Music

I'm a musical person.

Sometimes, when my wife is cooking me dinner, or brushing her hair, or just being herself, I sing her an impromtu song about how much I love her and how she's the best wife I ever had.

The other night, she decided to add shredded cheese as an extra ingredient to a casserole she was making. She made this decision and announced it just as I was completing the first verse of my song to her.

I think it might have been the Slimfast diet talking, but my song suddenly changed into a little ditty about how much I love cheese.

I want my wife to know that I love her more than cheese, despite the suddenly changing lyrics of my song to her. It was not unlike a Meatloaf song, where he starts singing about being parked in a car with his best girl and, out of nowhere, we hear Phil Rizzuto shouting out baseball play-by-play.

Mmmmm. Meatloaf.

The Undaground Review: Superman Returns

Warning: This review contains spoilers. Actually, I don't think it will spoil the movie for you, because my blog features only very minimal special effects, but I am giving away information about the film that is integral to the plot. If you don't want to see it, don't scroll down.

To take up some space, here is a photo of a man enjoying some pie:

So, last Friday, Mrs. Undaground and I decided to see "Superman Returns". I think the highlight for me was the popcorn. After stepping on the scale and seeing that I had lost four pounds, I figured I would have whatever I want. The guy stopped filling the bag of popcorn halfway through to add quite a bit of butter. Then, after it was topped off, he once again stood over the butter pump and let it fly. It was glorious.

As far as the movie is concerned, here are my thoughts:

• Brandon Routh is not Christopher Reeve. He had very few lines in this movie, considering he was the star. The thing about Christoper Reeve as Superman is that he did a very good job of acting like Superman and Clark Kent were two different people. The new guy does a decent job, but the only difference between the hero and the alter-ego is the glasses. The clumsy, comical Clark Kent portrayal is pretty much gone. RIP Christopher Reeve.
• The special effects in the film were awesome. It's worth seeing in the theater for that reason alone, unless you have a huge TV and very good surround sound. Be careful if you're pregnant. The Undaling was responding to several of the loud, sudden sounds in the movie.
• Here's the spoiler, although if you don't see it coming from the very beginning of the movie, maybe you should quit going to movies all together. Superman and Lois Lane have a son. I can't understand why Superman's son had asthma. I guess it's because health complications are possible when someone from Krypton mates with someone from Earth, but this was unexplained. I think any pediatrician who examined the boy long enough to prescribe him an inhaler, should have picked up on the fact that the boy had the ability to throw a piano across the room. If I were Lois Lane, I would shop around for another doctor.
• At another point in the movie, Superman is stabbed with a Kryponite shiv and ends up in.... are you ready for this... the hospital! Apparently, Superman has good health insurance because they admitted him immediately without any talk of transferring him to another hospital. I've heard through the grapevine that Wonder Woman has a crappy HMO.
• I'm a fan of Kevin Spacey. He was very good at times in this movie, particularly when he was attacking Superman. I wish he would have channeled the "Swimming With Sharks" character for the whole movie. I like his portrayal of the angry Lex Luther.
• I'm still troubled by the whole deal with Lois Lane's new husband. They made him very likeable. As an audience member, I had no reason not to like him. He seemed like a good husband and father. This was only a problem when they showed Lois Lane kiss Superman. I consider that cheating. The poor guy is just trying to make a life for himself when all the sudden, some weirdo in tights shows up and his wife becomes distant. She really should have shown a little more self control, or the writers should have made us dislike her husband.
• And as for Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane... meh. Lois Lane is supposed to have attitude. I think she was lacking a bit of that.
• I wish that at some point, somebody would figure out that Clark Kent was gone for 5 years. Superman was gone for 5 years. Maybe, Clark Kent = Superman. Nope. A room full of journalists assigned to cover every aspect of the story couldn't put that together. Maybe next movie.
• As somebody mentioned in Comments, Superman no longer stands for the "American way", just truth and justice. This is not a huge deal in the movie. I just took that to mean that if Superman wanted a cup of coffee, he'd fly to Columbia or something rather than walk to Starbucks.
• There are some serious cases of religious imagery, though. He is referred to as a "savior" a few times in the movie. His father says he sent his only son to help the people of Earth. Finally, when he's falling to Earth, I don't think it's a mistake that his arms are stretched out as if he's hung on a cross.

My recommendation is to see the movie if you like superhero movies. It's as good as Spiderman. The special effects are as good as any movie. As far as the story is concerned, it pales in comparison to Batman Begins, but it's worth seeing, especially if you order the popcorn with hot butter.