Touche!

Mrs. U and I were getting ready to watch Survivor on Tivo last night, and I started to delete last week's episode from the hard drive.

"Sorry, babe. I need to delete this. I guess you weren't able to watch it all, but you'll catch up in the 'previously on Survivor' highlights."

My wife answered. "What are you talking about? Didn't you hear me say earlier that I had watched it?"

"No. Did you say that?"

"Yes. I said it, and then I made some comments about the girl who was voted off. You even answered me and everything. I thought we were having a conversation."

Uh oh. I don't remember that. "Honey, are you sure? Did you have that conversation with somebody else?"

"No. It was you. It was about an hour ago. Are you serious? You don't remember?"

Fumbling for a reason now. "Was I holding the baby?"

"No. I was holding the baby. You were holding the remote."

"Oh. Maybe I didn't hear you."

"That's impossible. You responded to me."

"Really?" Sometimes I'm a terrible husband.

"BUSTED!"

Busted? Geez. What to do now?

My wife continued. "Do I talk too much or something?"

"No, what?!? No. Ummm."

I need something to say here. This is not going well. I need to go on the offensive quickly. Come on brain! Give me something, anything. Wait, I got it!

I changed the subject. "What's my middle name?" I needed some quick ammunition, and when I opened my mouth, this came out. I was a pez dispenser and this question was a shiny piece of candy.

My wife was now off balance, but it was an easy question. "Phillip." Then she looked at me like, 'where are you going with this'.

I continued my offensive. "How many 'L's' are in 'Philip'?"

My wife paused. I had her. "Ummm. Two?"

"Nope. One."

"Oh, sorry. That's so weird, just one 'L'."

Time to go in for the kill. "I think it's weird that my name is misspelled on our son's birth certificate. Did you know that?"

"Really? No I didn't know." The conversation was still going on, and already my wife was looking sorry.

"Yes. I was looking through the baby book the other day. On the official document that proves the existence of our son, I am not listed as his father. Some dude who spells his middle name with two 'L's' is listed."

My wife was silent. I was starting to feel bad.

"Honey. I'm sorry about not hearing you earlier. I think it's my ears. Too many loud concerts as a youth."

"I think you heard me, you just weren't listening to me."

"Yes, but that's just a temporary issue. You may have altered history with the middle name on the birth certificate thing."

Touche.

The good news is that I got out of this one. The bad news is that I am now officially out of ammunition. I guess next time I'm in trouble I could remind her that she forgot to pick up my fruit snacks at the grocery store, but that's pretty weak.