Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris, Walker Texas Ranger, karate champion and Hollywood film actor is becoming an internet superstar.

Somebody who is a huge fan of Chuck Norris created a website titled "Chuck Norris Facts"

Below are some Undaground favorites from the 9-pages of "facts". Here, is Chuck Norris's response on his own website:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.