This morning was just like any other morning. I woke up, took a shower, got dressed, ate a hearty breakfast and went to work. Soon after I arrived at work, I made a horrific discovery. This took me back to 7th grade in a hurry. I was wearing floods. I don't know what they call them where you're from: highwaters, clamdiggers, knickers, capri pants... We always called them floods, and for young males in their adolescent years, they were hard to avoid. It was easy to find myself wearing a pair of floods back then, when I was growing several inches a year. Now, there's no excuse.
I'm sure people at work noticed, even though I tried to keep my walking in open spaces down to a minimum. Mercifully, nobody pointed them out to me, not that I wasn't painfully aware of my issues. I picked the wrong day to wear white socks with brown shoes. Thank God I didn't wear the Tazmanian Devil Christmas socks.
Nobody, except for one person, has ever been able to pull-off floods.
And that was a long, long time ago. Damn it, these pants were in the regu
lar rotation. Comfortable, sensible, roomy. Old Navy cargo pants. I went up a size in the waist for these, and I haven't been disappointed. I'd throw them on in the morning with a belt, and boy did I feel svelte. Not only could I carry my keys and wallet and loose change in the front pockets, I could carry small tools, or granola bars, or woodland creatures in the extra side pockets. Cargo pants, what a great freakin invention, and I had a pair. Until now.
I am left with five, very clear choices. I don't see any other options. I must choose one of the following things to do:
- Wear them anyway. I'm married, what do I care?
- Throw them away. They're dead to me.
- Cut them off below the side pockets. Yard work shorts?
- Cut them off above the side pockets. Daisy Dukes?
- Buy a pair of high-top sneakers to mask the problem.
Any and all suggestions are welcome.
Tomorrow, the Movie Villain Makeover.
4 comments:
I say make them into daisy-dukes... though I don't know how much Jen would enjoy her husband's shorts being shorter than her own.
When is the "right" day to wear white socks with brown shoes?
You're right. White socks and brown shoes don't mix. Most of the time, nobody notices though so I think it's the male equivalent of the "granny panties". Or it's probably just me.
I say ditch the floods, their dead to you, cut your losses, it is not worth the stress of realizing on a day you 'didn't mean' to wear them you did! Getting dressed in the dark...etc... is no excuse!
Post a Comment