My Super Power

I watched the Fantastic Four movie the other night. Four people get hit by a space cloud and each emerges with a super power. It got me thinking what power I'd like to have if I were ever hit by a space cloud.

Right now, the closest thing I have to a superpower is my ability to have people follow me in traffic. When somebody's following behind me in their car, I never lose them. I have exceptional skills when it comes to this. I would probably be a pretty lame superhero, like Mr. Pacecar or something, but if the Batmobile ever needed to follow someone to find a place, I would be the right man for the job.

If I had any real super powers, I don't think I'd want to spend all my time fighting crime. I have a wife, a job and several interesting hobbies so I'd want to just be myself. I know there's a lot of nobility in fighting crime, but it's not the path I would choose. I have a strong moral code, but that doesn't mean I have to spend every waking hour ridding the streets of criminals. That's a lot of pressure. Sure, if I could stop a mugging or two I'll do it, but it won't define me. I've taken a look at the super powers available, and eliminated most of them for one reason or another:

Flying: With the price of domestic fares the way they are, being able to fly would definitely save a lot of money. However, without superhuman strength to go along with it, I'd probably only be able to manage one carry-on bag, and I'd have to fly alone. Outside of business trips that my company pays for, I really can't see too many times where I'd want to travel alone without Mrs. Undaground.

X-Ray Vision: Had I chosen the medical field, this would be a really great super power. I could still charge patients for x-rays, without all the overhead of operating an actual machine. I really don't think x-ray vision would be useful for much else. I guess I could also use this to get a job at the airport, but judging from the idiots who ask me to take my shoes off, I'd be overqualified for that job if I had x-ray vision. No thanks.

Freezing: I do like making blender drinks, so this is tempting. Being able to make things colder would also eliminate the need to get bags of ice everytime we have people over. On the other hand, I'm just not very good at defrosting things as it is. I don't have the foresight to leave the chicken out of the freezer 24 hours before dinner, so the ability to freeze things would probably just complicate matters.

Fire: There are so many other options available (lighters, matches, etc.) that I don't see the need.

Invisibility: I could sneak into the Super Bowl without a ticket, but I'd have to be naked. I'll pass.

Super Strength: I'm strong enough now to open most vacuum-sealed jars. If I had super-strength, too many people would ask me to help them move.

Clairvoyance (seeing the future): This would make me a better poker player, and I could easily win the lottery. That would be great, but knowing the future would make life boring. I wouldn't have enjoyed the movie "The Sixth Sense" at all if I knew the ending beforehand, and my interest in sports would really suffer.

Breathe Underwater: They already have something like this. It's called scuba and I'm really not interested.

Shapeshifting: Some superheroes can take the form of animals. That would be fun, but with my luck I'd get shot with a tranquilizer and end up in the zoo. If that happened, it would be very difficult to decide when to turn back into myself with all those people watching.

Elastic Skin: This would really help me with hanging Christmas lights. Every other time of the year, it's just creepy.

Superhuman Speed: Running is tough on the knees and ankles. Fast or not, I'd be in a wheelchair by age 50.

So, with all of these super powers eliminated, I would choose the only option that really makes sense for me:

Control the Weather: With all the recent hurricanes, this really would have come in handy. I've been to concerts in the past where it's rained and it's just a sloppy mess. I think this is a practical super power that could enhance my everyday life, and I wouldn't have to be out fighting crime all the time. I wouldn't change the weather much, just enough to make things a little better. I could still make some money gambling by altering the weather at football games, just for fun.