Shilo, When I Was Young

So, Brangelina named their child Shiloh. I'm not sure if they chose the name because, in Hebrew, it means "place of peace". Maybe they chose it because their Civil War buffs, or they may be big Neil Diamond fans. I really have mixed feelings about this name choice.

First of all, I'm very disappointed in Brangelina for not considering the teasing opportunities this name brings. As expectant parents, Mrs. Undaground and I have considered hundreds of names. One of our big goals is to limit the amount of ridicule the child may have to endure in his formative years. Hector? Sounds too much like rectum. Richard? They'll call him Dick. Trey? Well, my own grandmother has already suggested that naming the boy Trey would inevitably lead to kids calling him Shelf or Dish. So what was Brangelina thinking? Can't they see that a child named "Shiloh Pitt" will quickly become "Pile O' Shit" in the eyes of classmates? Kids get teased at private schools just as they do at public schools, even if they do stay in Namibia.

On the positive side, I've been working very hard to find some new swear words. It won't be long before my fetus can hear sounds from the outside world. With this in mind, I'm trying to find some substitutes for my go-to profanities. So far, I have Homer Simpson's "Doh!", Jerry Seinfeld's "Newman!", and now, "Shiloh Pitt!" Please feel free to suggest any others.