Pregnancy Update: 28 weeks

Mrs. U was 28 weeks yesterday. 12 weeks to go! 83 days til the due date.

I'm pleased to announce that I've been signed up for:

• A hospital tour
• A 3-week Lamaze class
• An infant safety/CPR class

I was never a big classroom guy. I liked to get the notes and cram for the test. I guess I can't get away with that in this situation. I feel that I can be a very effective Lamaze coach. I coached little league way back in the day. If nothing else, I can repeat the phrases "Wait for your pitch" and "Keep it in front of you".

Thankfully, I've been spared from the breastfeeding class. Mrs. Undaground asked them if it was necessary for me to attend, and they said no, not unless I started lactating. (I would probably call the media first if I did).

A few years ago, some good friends of ours were pregnant, and my friend Dave did attend the breastfeeding class with his wife. For some reason, this struck us both funny at the time and we giggled like a couple of 5th graders. I wanted to know which of the three possible scenarios played out in the class demonstration:

1. Plastic boob and plastic baby

2. Plastic boob and real baby

3. Real boob and real baby

It turned out, for the record, that it was a plastic boob and plastic baby. There was, however, a video shown featuring the real thing. I think I'll see plenty of that beginning in October. My wife has assured me that she won't be a public, if-your-face, look-at-these breastfeeder. That's a good thing because I don't really have the energy to collect a cover charge and a two-drink minimum from everybody who comes to visit.