Open Letter to Bill Gates

Dear Mr. Gates,

This world needs a leader to step up. You're a visionary. In fact, I'm typing in a "window" right now. I believe you may have had something to do with that. It occurs to me that you have some influence, and can reach a much larger audience than my humble blog. So I ask you, could you please name this friggin decade before it's over?

It's been 5 full years now; we're halfway done, and still... nothing. The sixties, the seventies, the eighties, the nineties, and a screeching halt. I've heard some say the "two-thousands". That's just stupid. The "oh-oh's" sounds like a Swedish pop band. We, the people of Earth, literally have all the creativity in the world available on this one, yet nobody has come forward and taken control of the situation. The world needs you, Bill.

They have a name for everything. This thing that you're reading is called a blog. If I was to go get a manicure today and pay more than my usual 12 dollars for a haircut, I might be a metrosexual. You know the thing that hangs in the back of your throat? That's called a uvula. How often does "uvula" come up in conservation? No, not very often, but someone still took the time to name it.

Neglecting to name the decade will have far-reaching consequences. First of all, this decade will automatically never be considered cool, because nobody will bother referring to it like we so fondly reminisce about the seventies or eighties. Also, what will VH1 do? They have all kinds of "I Love the 80's" shows now; aren't they worried about this? If I were a Viacom stockholder, I'd be asking these questions. It's the future of their franchise. Maybe years from now, when they do their nostalgia shows about this decade, they'll talk about the time Bill Gates decided to name it. What about those Time-Life music collections? On sale now, Sounds of the Oh-Oh's. That just doesn't have a nice ring to it. I can't be the only person who is bothered by all of this.

I really never thought we would be faced with this dilemna. At one time, I thought it would be you who named the decade. We had Windows 95, then Windows 98, then the Millennium edition, then XP. You avoided the whole decade-naming thing just like everybody else. It seems like Microsoft is getting around it just fine, but what about the rest of us? Some things need to be done for the greater good. Yes, your legacy will most likely end up being something computer-related, but wouldn't this be a nice postscript? Ben Franklin didn't stop when he put the kite away.

I'm not saying I have the answers. I don't have a good name for this decade and I've been thinking about it for at least seven or eight years. I do know that there are smarter people out there than me, and you're one of them. Can't you take ten minutes out of your day and jot some ideas down? All you'd have to do is make a pop-up window letting everybody know the new name for the decade, and it's a done deal. We can then click on "do not show me this message again", and our decade will have a new name. By Monday, the whole world will know, except for those people who don't have a Windows operating system (just kidding, Bill, I know everybody has Windows). The name doesn't have to be anything over-the-top, just something that is universally agreed upon for pop culture's sake. Please, Bill, bail us out of this one.

Most Sincerely,

The Undaground (longtime Microsoft customer)

P.S. While I've got you, I'd like it if Windows Media Player was a little more compatible with iTunes. No biggie; just a thought. Thanks again Bill.