Another installment from the Undaground Mom. As always, her words appear in her very own font (verdana) and text color (blue #2). Enjoy, and please comment.
I got up late this morning.
This rarely happens to me but it is a direct result of taking Tylenol PM. I took the little helpers so I would fall asleep fast after a late night at the office and very early arrival scheduled for the next morning. I wanted my brain to stop messing around and go to sleep. I didn’t feel like naming 10 bald headed men, counting all the body parts that have 3 letters or using some relaxation technique. (I think the bald headed men thing is to cure hiccups anyway). The directions on the label stated that 2 tablets was the dosage. I looked at the warnings to assure myself that this wasn’t the biggest risk I’ve ever taken. I don’t have glaucoma or difficulty urinating due to an enlarged prostate gland. I hadn’t consumed any alcohol let alone 3 or more drinks. I’m not planning to operate any heavy machinery in the next few precious hours. It appears that I’m the perfect candidate to achieve a “safe, non-habit forming way to help me sleep so I feel refreshed the next day”. Two it is.
Two tablets later, I’m slumbering.
I woke up when I hit a wet spot on the pillow. That’s weird! The label didn’t mention risk of drooling. I look over at the alarm for a time check. I was looking forward to that feeling I get when I realize there are hours before I have to fumble for it’s off button. I’m not one to toy with the snooze button – it’s sadistic. What’s this?? 6:15? I had the alarm set for 5:15! I can’t believe my eye slits so I have to actually pick up the clock and look at the numbers very closely. I don’t even remember turning the alarm off and slipping back to dreamland. I know I set it. I set it and reset it and double checked it again.
What else have I done in my sleep stupor that I wasn’t aware of? Where the hell is the cat? I hope she’s alright but I don’t have time to look. Right now I have to jump out of bed and curse several times while waving my hands. I’m not sure how this is supposed to help but this is what occurred since my reflexes haven’t noticed that I’m awake.
OK. I have 18 minutes to get ready. What can I eliminate from my regular morning routine?
Coffee? Not a chance.
Shower? I can tame my Sideshow Bob hairdo with some product - I’ll gain 20 minutes back because I own good gel and deodorant.
Teeth brushing? I have to brush but I can cut it short and not wait for my Oral B timer to tell me it’s time to quit. It’s not the boss of me. Cool, I will pick up a minute there.
Who needs an ironed shirt? The wrinkles will work themselves out through the day.
This is working. I just wish the earworm of the morning wasn’t Gloria by Laura Branigan because all I can do is repeat:
Gloria (Gloria), I think they got your number (Gloria)
I think they got the alias (Gloria) that you've been living under (Gloria)
But you really don't remember, was it something that they said?
Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
I made it. I’m at work. I can’t take my eyes off the stain on my left cuff, but no one has said anything.
How was your morning? What song was stuck in your head lately? Is there a logical explanation of why this happens? I simply don’t care if anyone calls Gloria – ever- and I would like to stop thinking about it. Any ideas on how to stop the music?
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Guest Column from THE UNDAGROUND MOM
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5 comments:
I do know how to get Gloria out of your head. Begin humming (well actually it must be done with da da da da da da da) the Chicken Dance song. My granddaughter invented the monkey dance and needed accompanying music. Unfortunately, it's what I came up with....nearly a week ago. Say sayonara to Gloria, but you will be sorry.
I wish I could get that effect from Tylenol PM. I buy it in the enormous size bottle (yes, that is the official name). I worried that I was developing a dependance to it, so you can understand my relief when a physicians assistant (nearly an MD) told me to go for it. Even after 3 or more drinks. Just "go for it" she said. You'll be fine. What is your blood type in the event I need a kidney?
The song that I cannot get out of my head today is from the 80s and goes something like this....
"You belong to the city...You belong to the night...." that along with the saxophone in the song are stuck in my brain!! Not to mention, those 2 lines are the only lines of the song I know! Pure torture.
P.S. Envisioning you waving your arms around franticly as you are hurying to get ready for work is hilarious all by itself. I laughed so hard, coffee almost came out my nose.
I enjoy The Undaground Mom very much and would like to see her guest host more often. You know, like when Johnny was able to take Monday nights off and have others fill in and it didn't hurt his show or his popularity?
I vote for more Underground mom too, it's a refreshing change, Great job!
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